So, one day you are a pampered pregnant lady with a cute round belly. The next day, you are a responsible mother with a screaming infant in your hands. Everybody comes around and lectures you about what to do to get back in shape and to reclaim health. The new mom gets a heap of free advices regarding how to multi-task even when one is taking care of the newborn. Generations and generations of mothers have known the huge difference between theory and practice and yet have continued to give sermons to every new member of the club about postpartum care. Well, I have decided to tell the truth; you postulate to something perfectly, but you do nothing as you have intended to. Let us see how.
1) What you expect to do: Get loads of rest. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
What really happens: You turn into an insomniac zombie. The baby never sleeps, so even you don’t. And even as the baby sleeps (at capricious hours), you think about everything else but sleep. After all, you haven’t ordered groceries for a week. Neither have you changed your pyjamas for three days.
2) What you expect to do: Do postpartum exercises. Brisk walking is the best.
What really happens: You are a couch potato, with a little couch potato sleeping on your chest. You don’t think about long strolls in the evening, as you can hardly drag yourself through the house at the end of the day, with the energy level of a snail.
3) What you expect to do: Maintain a balanced diet. Eat well. Consume 500 extra calories.
What really happens: The moment you grab an occasional bite of rotis or bite into an apple, you hear shrieks and yells from the bedroom. You choke on your food so hard that you think you got an Adam’s apple. The baby always cries when the mother eats or tries to eat.
4) What you expect to do: Manage work and home simultaneously. Multitask beautifully.
What really happens: Paid maternity leave gets over. Unpaid maternity leave gets extended. You end up taking a sabbatical.
5) What you expect to do: Get your social life back. Go to parties. Organize a girl’s night out.
What really happens: Mojitos! What are they? The girls don’t talk to me anymore. Nobody wants to babysit.
6) What you expect to do: Plan a romantic getaway with your husband. Spend quality time together and spice things up.
What really happens: You yell at him for not changing the baby’s diapers. You think he is such a patriarchal sloth that he snores away to glory as you pop your eyes out at midnight, tending to the small one. You don’t want to see him around, let alone spending starry-eyed time with him. You want to punch him in the face, for calling you fat every now and then.
7) What you expect to do: Beautify yourself.
What really happens: You look like Gruffallo. Make up has its limits, especially when you haven’t plucked your eyebrows in 6 months.