By Batul Mukhtiar
WHY WRITE A script where two ex-lovers meet after six years on a day that is bound to give them bad hair? Soha Ali Khan’s hair goes from wet rat’s tails to dried frizz. Perfectly natural, but since the July 2005 deluge is only a pretext for the two ex-lovers, Sanjana (Soha) and Akshay (Emraan Hashmi) discovering that they are, after all, just right for each other, surely a background kinder to the heroine’s hair could be chosen for this reconciliation of kindred boring souls?
Sanjana is rich and modern and lives with her boyfriend. She displays beautiful cleavage whenever she can. She does little things that tell us she knows about acting. And yet, I spend the better part of the film wondering why she does not allure. Even her supposedly rich father lacks glamour. Sachin Khedekar, in his black shiny coat, looks like a lawyer soliciting clients for 100-200 rupees outside Bandra Court.
Emraan Hashmi seems to have put a cap on his sleaziness. But that, unfortunately, just makes him flatter than a paper dosa. He’s nothing without his torrid kisses. He plays an inexplicably bitter painter. Inexplicable because in fact, he paints for the common man. There is much talk about the opinion of the common man. It’s a message to all those out there, yes, the critics may bash our work, but the common man loves us.
Sadly, the ‘common men’ watching Tum Mile didn’t seem too happy. There is no point in elaborating on the illogicalities in the plot. They float like dead rats in the dirty water. However, since this is a love story, we do not see the dead rats. What remains is a sense of terrible boredom. The trouble is that Sanjana and Akshay are just not interesting enough a pair for us to be interested in their love, hate, love lives. You feel sad that Sanjana hasn’t found anyone more worthy in all these years.
Akshay is given a chance to vindicate his earlier ‘loser’ status, by now flying business class, buying art galleries and going to Tokyo to pick up awards for his design company. He is also given several chances at displaying his manly heroics during the flood, while Sanjana is suitably, femininely helpless and afraid. What is conveniently forgotten is that things went wrong in the past because Akshay didn’t communicate. That Sanjana just got tired of dealing with someone who was so self-obsessed. All doubts about compatibility are washed away in the deluge.