Emotional Attyachar

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By Jerry Pinto

HAVE YOU DREAMED that you were born in a wealthy, famous family? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have money in the bank, a great body and to be the heartthrob of the nation? Have you ever believed that this would make you happy? Go seeKambakht Ishq. Kareena Kapoor, you might argue, has it all. Born into the Kapoor family, she is young and not bad looking. She has a great body. She is in love. And then she agrees to do a film like this.

Not saying that she should not agree to shots that show her panties. Panties, bikinis, whatev-uhh. Not saying that she should not agree to be called a bitch. Bitch, bastard, whatev-uhh. But why would anyone who did not have to, agree to spend an entire film with her mouth in a moue like she has just discovered that she’s in a lemon of a film? Why would anyone who did not have to, agree to be presented with her own signature tune that goes“Bay bore, bore bore bay bay bay bore?” Why would anyone who did not have to, agree to play a supermodel who is a surgeon whose FOB watch falls into the stomach of a patient?

Presumably she gets paid some crores per film. What would you do with that? Get a tummy tuck? A flat in Goa? Ms Kapoor gets the desire to act in another film like Kambakht Ishq.There’s a valuable moral lesson to be learnt in that.

Now the plot, if it may be called that. There’s a lingerie model (Amrita Arora) who falls in love with a stuntman (Aftab Shivdasani) and there’s her friend the surgeon and supermodel (Kareena Kapoor) who can’t believe that anyone would settle for a “duplicate man”. This means that the stuntman’s friend (Akshay Kumar) takes umbrage and says that he will make her fall in love with him.

This, of course, brings us to Akshay Kumar. He went on the telly to tell us he had no ego because he had mastered it with the help of martial arts. This may explain why he takes home several crores of rupees and then turns up in a film in which his farting is part of the plot.

There’s Sylvester Stallone in there and Denise Richards. Everyone is in there. What they are doing there is not clear. But the Javed Jaffrey character who wants to sue everybody in America so that he can get rich has the best idea. Anyone want to join a class action to sue director Sabir Khan for emotional trauma?

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