“You won’t understand. It’s not that easy Yashica.”
This is what I got back from one of my readers when I tried explaining as to why she needs to stop pleasing people.
Ananya (name changed) just wanted to listen what she wanted to listen and it’s natural for people like her who have spent their entire lives trying to please people just to get a little amount of respect and love.
Though my replies to her emails were not sufficient enough to make her realize that life has much more to offer than to seek approval from others for your own happiness, hence I decided to write this piece for Ananya and all the ‘people pleasers’.
The first and foremost reason for you to please others is that you don’t believe in yourself.
Believing in yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that whatever you do is always right rather it means you need to believe that you are worthy of more than what people think you are. Nobody else has the capacity to stop you, to halt you or to judge you. And If somehow they are successful in doing so, that means you have given the reigns of your life into their hands.
Nobody else has the capacity to stop you, to halt you or to judge you. And If somehow they are successful in doing so, that means you have given the reigns of your life into their hands.
And why on earth would you do that?
Is it because you don’t believe that you have sufficient courage to continue with what you want in your life?
Is it because you are still doubtful about your decision?
Do remember that in both the cases, rather in all the cases none of your friends, colleagues or family members are going to help you. Everything is going to fall on your own shoulders. It’s you and only you who has to decide, execute and implement. Just by taking few steps you can reach there. And believe me, it’s not as much a hard work as you think it is.
Rather it’s as easy as making a cup of tea. Aah! Now don’t tell me you can’t even make that!!
Ok, so now let me tell you how to make a cup of tea, I mean how to begin your journey and accomplish what you want.
And mind it, it’s not just for ‘people pleaser’ breed rather for all of you who by all means have forced themselves to think what others think of them.
So the very first step to improvise and stabilize your poor (read it as pure) soul is to:
I know you have already heard it a number of times and the reason you are getting it all over again is because you haven’t yet understood that it is your job to induce love and trust into your own blood, nobody else will. It’s as simple as that. If you are still not ready to accept yourself then get ready for my next column on the very same subject.
Aree, what you thought it’s just your science teacher who keeps running after you so that you can learn the formula of H2O+CO+O3. No, you have got a lot more here. Since you have been trapped into BeingYou, you will keep on getting your timely doses.
By the way, if you are still trying to figure out what the formula is then it’s time to give your left cheek a high five so that you can come out of your dreamy world of the science lab.
Ignore your reality
Yes, it may seem difficult at first but in order to get what you want, you have to ignore the reality around you. It took a long time for me to understand this frantically true lesson and I am not ready to unlearn it even if you offer me Shahrukh’s Mannat (name of his bungalow) in exchange. However, it also reminds me of Raju Rastogi (3 Idiots) “Dono taangein kho kar apni tango pe khada hona ayya he. Badi mushkil se ayya he ye attitude. Nahi hoga sir.” (It took two broken legs to get me up on my feet. Wasn’t easy to get this attitude Can’t change it, sir You keep your job) – Just in case you need English subtitles, as being a true Indian you love to watch English movies but not without subtitles, so I thought it goes vice-versa too.
Jokes apart, I must say that if you have learnt the art of ignoring your reality you have created a success mantra for yourself.
Initially, it may seem tough to not to get bothered by the factual things life throws at you as you are born and brought up like this only. You are habitual of getting affected by every nasty thing.
Nevertheless, if you have followed the first step and have already started believing in yourself then you are capable of ignoring the factual realities also. Ignore if your boss is angry at you, ignore if your boyfriend has cancelled the much-planned date at the India Gate and also ignore even if your report card couldn’t prove your worth. Nothing matters as long as you believe that you can change all this. Just ignore whatever makes you unhappy and believe that have the capacity to change the reality. Get happy about the other things you have. Yes, you have plenty to be happy about.
Ignore if your boss is angry at you, ignore if your boyfriend has cancelled the much-planned date at the India Gate and also ignore even if your report card couldn’t prove your worth. Nothing matters as long as you believe that you can change all this. Just ignore whatever makes you unhappy and believe that you have the capacity to change the reality. Get happy about the other things you have. Yes, you have plenty to be happy about.
Everything is easy
Now this is tricky. Since childhood, you are made to believe to Work Hard, to Study Hard. Isn’t it? Well, here I am preaching the opposite. So, jump to the next line only if you are ready to accept this challenge.
For the next 15 days, you need to Feel Hard and Do easy. What it means is that while ignoring the reality around you, you are being asked to work hard on getting the good feelings of what you want. If you are able to focus on just keeping good and happy mood all throughout the day, your actions will become much easier. And gradually you will see that reality has also started changing. It will just flip the way you always wanted. The trick is to maintain good vibrational feelings and if you continue doing so you will not have to Fight for your Right. Everything will fall in place.
Nobody can take what’s meant for you. However, before you try grabbing it, you must first prepare yourself to accept what is being offered to you. It may take a little while but its worth waiting.
Yashica was just found mumbling in her office washroom and cursing herself for publiclly declaring that she won’t exchange her beliefs with Shahrukh’s Mannat. Tell her what to do next. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.