BY NISHA SUSAN
+ 10 FOR CREATING A NEW DRINKING
game. Is this movie Inception meets Shutter Island meets The Baby-Sitters Club? Or is it The Baby-Sitters Club meetsShowgirls? Or is it Baz Luhrmann’s Matrix meets Afro Samurai? So many lovely ways to lose consciousness while watching this movie and you will want to.
– 10 FOR THE MOST ANNOYING,
metaphor-heavy, cringe-making voiceover ever. Luckily, it pops up only in the beginning and the end. So plus five to Zack for that decision.
+ 6 FOR THE BORDELLO
loving imagination of the unreliable narrator Babydoll. Combined with the unreliable narration of writers Steve Shibuya and Zack Snyder, all you end up with is head-scratching.
+ 5 FOR THE ROTATING RED BED IN
the bordello because what is a bordello without girlish camaraderie, golden-hearted whores and a rotating red bed?
+ 3 FOR MAKING JON HAMM THE
doctor who lobotomises mad girls. As Tina Fey says of his 30Rock character: so handsome!
– 10 FOR CREATING THE MOST
dull quests for the girls, making you miss action sequences ofSuper Mario Bros or was it Prince of Persia? Perhaps Pac-Man.
+ 10 TO CINEMATOGRAPHER LARRY
Fong for creating the rich, burnished look, that is the only reason for you to keep watching. (This despite the presence of five pretty girls in short skirts and sexy Carla Gugino as Dr Gorski, the Madam of the brothel.) Thanks to Fong, every scene looks like a page out of a comic book you want to buy.
– 10 FOR KILLING THE
gallant Rocket (Jena Malone). Of course, the moment we saw her kind eyes and determined little chin, we knew she was going to be offed but still. Also, why didn’t Snyder have any suicide girls in the troop instead of this all-American girl band?
+ 5 FOR DISCOVERING EMILY BROWNING,
who plays blank-faced Babydoll. Fourteen-year-old boys everywhere will always love the violent hottie and thus the order of the world is maintained. The rest of us geriatrics think the surprise element of the wee little girl vigilante began with Buffy and ended with Kick-Ass.
– 6 FOR NEVER EXPLAINING TO US,
even in the end, why Babydoll (Emily Browning) is Super-Babydoll. We like, we love back stories for ass-kickers, even if you could only squash them in a single panel in the end because of the vaulting ambitions of your narrative.
Nisha Susan is Assistant Editor with Tehelka